No Nap Land

The tank is empty. I am tired, smelly, sticky and touched out. The toddler is in that hellish phase of *almost* not needing a nap anymore. Some days he happily crawls into bed and is asleep in moments. 

And then there are days like today.  Days that start before dawn, filled with carpet poops and wet underwear. Where I pack snacks and sippy cups, allergy meds and ice packs into the diaper bag and brave the outside world. 

Days when I haul ~60lbs of children through a corn maze in a wagon with another on my back with the promise of nap time propelling me forward.

When we finally make it home, with one sleeping baby and one cranky, sandy toddler and a van full of supplies and wrangle them all into the house on my own. When I miraculously transfer the still sleeping baby from car to crib and turn my attention to the whining , grumping mini beast at my feet. 

I rally, I regroup, and I wrestle him into bed. Spend 45 minutes rubbing, patting, nursing, singing, all for that glorious moment, when he falls asleep. That moment that is my own. That I am my own. 

His eyelids relax, his breathing slows, and I make my move. I slink towards the door and can feel it before i see it. The eyes that flutter and blink open. The mouth that whispers "mama don't leave". The body that sits up and promises me a battle.

Fuck.

Back into bed, more back rubs, more stories, more cuddles and then I hear it... crying from the bedroom and a toddler voice say "she's awake! We go downstairs now?!?"

And so the day continues, minus lunch for me, minus a moment to pee in peace, minus my sanity. 

Onward I trudge towards bedtime, willing 6 o'clock to arrive so I can throw him back into his bed and hope this time is different. 

Send wine. 

#toddler #Nap #Naptime #Sleeptraining #Teamnosleep #Terribletwos